Getting ready for bed last night I ripped off the tape from yesterday’s blood test . I commented that between the blood drawing and the EKG that was the most uncomfortable aspect of the day’s tests. I then observed that next Thursday would be the next time for a hole in my arm for anesthetic and then another puncture on my body in a less comfortable and public place to insert the gold markers and the SpaceOar.
Karen kissed me and said she really admired me for the way I was responding to all the pain discomfort and indignities I was going through. That really helped a lot. Words of affirmation and touch are my two biggest ‘love languages’. But I also thought that while for decades I have talked about the sovereignty of God, it is in circumstances like this, that belief becomes precious. Especially as I know it is not a distant despot controlling things according to his own directionless whims. Instead, it is my loving, heavenly father who created me, redeemed me, controls my destiny, and does this all as an expression of His love and holiness to accomplish my good and His glory.
For Christmas I gave each of my five grandsons the gift of a day with me where I would teach them to build a birdhouse. At the time I was looking for some creative alternative to just spending money on another toy that would be forgotten in a week or two.
So far I have worked with two of the boys. While I have learned the harsh lesson that I no longer can work with the degree of precision of the days of making missile parts and jewelry, I have had a really good time. I have come to realize I am not just making birdhouses, but memories for my grandsons. I’m teaching them about tools and letting them do the work. I am talking with them, spending time just the two of us, and affirming them as they are creating something. When you have the reminder of your mortality in two cancers and their ongoing impact on your life it is a little easier to think in terms of, “This might be the last time I/we do…”, and to want to make it a good memory for the other involved. But I am thinking what a great thing it would be if we all viewed even our daily, mundane activities as an opportunity to make good memories for those we love.